whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
