Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
