Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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