Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so let's talk penis.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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