my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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