dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
