i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
