Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
