I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
