I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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