Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
