You're my little dorito
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
