He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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