I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
