It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
