so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
