where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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