It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
