the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Two words: blizzard sex
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
