He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize