I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
