i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
