IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
