some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize