Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
