I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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