Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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