Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?

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(503): View more from Oregon

I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.

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(616): View more from Michigan

This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?

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(440): View more from Ohio

somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me

(310): View more from California

maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA

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(559): View more from California

Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.

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(727): View more from Florida

Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"

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