Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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