So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
this hospital has no fireball
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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