Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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