you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
