Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize