I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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