do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
