that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize