you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
