Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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