so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize