Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
