I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
