I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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