Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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