Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
