We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
