the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize