I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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