She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
