okay pat passed out under dana's car
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
