someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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