Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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