i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
