Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
