ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
