You work out of a Hotel?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
