did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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