Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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