Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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