I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
