Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
