Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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