So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
