Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
