I think I died a long time ago.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize