Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
