"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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