Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
