I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize