pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
time to smoke my breakfast
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
