it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
