I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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