I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
